Rethinking Values: How Trauma Might be Shaping Your Values and Fuelling Your Purpose

Understanding and Redefining Values

When we talk about values, we often imagine a list of principles that define who we are and what we stand for. Values guide our decisions, shape our identity, and give us a sense of purpose. But what if the narrative around values is more complex than we think?

The truth is, many of the values we hold close are not necessarily reflections of who we truly are or who we want to become. Instead, they may be deeply rooted in our past—formed as coping mechanisms in response to trauma and early childhood experiences.

What Exactly is a Value?

Let’s start with the fundamentals. A value is a principle, standard, or quality that an individual or group considers inherently important and meaningful. Values serve as guiding beliefs or priorities that influence behavior, decision-making, and perceptions of what is right or desirable in life.

For example:

• Personal values might include honesty, compassion, or independence.

• Cultural values could emphasize community, tradition, or individualism.

• Workplace values might highlight collaboration, innovation, or accountability.

Values can be conscious (intentionally chosen and clearly defined) or subconscious (influenced by upbringing, culture, or past experiences). They act as a compass for how individuals live their lives and interact with others.

The Concept of Values

The concept of values stems from philosophy, sociology, psychology, and anthropology, reflecting humanity’s quest to understand morality, behaviour, and cultural norms.

1. Philosophical Roots

• Ancient Philosophy: Early discussions of values emerged from the ethical and moral teachings of philosophers like Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle. They explored what constitutes a “good life” and how individuals should act to achieve virtue, happiness, and justice.

  • Plato emphasized virtues like wisdom, courage, moderation, and justice.

  • Aristotle introduced the idea of “eudaimonia” (flourishing), linking values to actions that cultivate a meaningful life.

• Medieval Thought: Religious philosophers like Augustine and Aquinas tied values to divine will and morality.

• Modern Philosophy: Enlightenment thinkers such as Immanuel Kant and David Hume examined values as products of reason, emotion, and human experience.

2. Sociological Development

• Cultural Norms and Values: Sociologists like Émile Durkheim and Max Weber studied values as shared beliefs that hold societies together.

• Weber’s “Value Rationality”: Weber introduced the idea that individuals act based on values even when actions don’t yield immediate benefits.

3. Psychological Perspective

• Moral Development: Psychologists like Jean Piaget and Lawrence Kohlberg explored how values are internalized during childhood.

• Humanistic Psychology: Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow connected values to self-actualization, viewing them as essential for personal growth.

• Cognitive-Behavioral Views: Values are seen as mental frameworks influencing decisions, tied to schemas and belief systems.

4. Anthropological Insights

• Anthropologists examine how values vary across cultures, often reflecting social organization and resource distribution.

• Values like individualism in Western societies or collectivism in Eastern cultures show how cultural contexts shape priorities.

Values as a Survival Strategy

From a young age, we adapt to our environment in ways that ensure our survival—physically, emotionally, or relationally.

For example:

• A value like “independence” might stem from growing up in a household where asking for help wasn’t safe.

• A commitment to “hard work” may have developed from needing to prove worth to neglectful or critical caregivers.

• A belief in “kindness” could reflect an attempt to avoid conflict, especially if conflict led to rejection in childhood.

These values can feel intrinsic but may actually represent learned strategies for navigating pain, fear, or unmet needs.

Let’s take attachment styles as an example. If you have an avoidant attachment style, you may tend to value independence, freedom, hard work, or communication. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with aligning with these as values, it’s important to ask yourself: are these values truly reflective of who I am, or are they rooted in a trauma response? Reflect on why you hold certain values and whether they genuinely resonate with you or stem from patterns of coping with past experiences.

Rewriting the Narrative Around Values

1. Values as Trauma Responses

Many values are formed not out of freedom or choice but as a response to unmet needs or painful experiences. For example:

• A value of “perfectionism” might stem from avoiding criticism in a judgmental environment.

• A value of “independence” could be a shield against the pain of relying on unreliable or harmful people.

2. Cultural Conditioning and Values

Societal norms also influence our values. For example, Western cultures often prioritize individualism and achievement. When these societal values intersect with personal wounds, they can become toxic motivators, driving behaviors like overachievement at the expense of well-being.

3. The Role of Early Attachment

Attachment wounds often shape our values. A child who didn’t feel safe expressing needs might grow up to value “self-reliance” or “stoicism” as defence mechanisms.

The Danger of Misaligned Values

Living according to values rooted in survival can perpetuate cycles of pain and disconnection. For example:

• Valuing “strength” over vulnerability might prevent deep relationships.

• Prioritizing “success” over rest might lead to burnout.

Rewriting the Narrative

To align values with authenticity, consider:

• Examining Origins: Reflect on where each value comes from. Is it a response to fear or past pain?

• Embracing Curiosity: Ask, “Does this value serve the person I am today or the person I had to be in the past?”

• Redefining Values: Let go of values that no longer serve you and choose those that align with your aspirations.

From Coping to Authenticity

Re-evaluating your values is an opportunity to shift from survival to growth.

• Practice Self-Compassion: Acknowledge that your values developed to help you cope.

• Reflect and Journal: Explore the origins of your values.

• Redefine What Matters: Choose which values to carry forward.

The Power of Choice

Understanding the origins of your values is empowering. It allows you to create a life that reflects your authentic self, free from past wounds. Values are dynamic, not fixed, and exploring their roots can lead to deeper self-awareness and meaningful change.